Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
