The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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