It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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