I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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