I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize