the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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