hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
