That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize