My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize