The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize