Where is the hickey?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
