we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
