I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i dont even know how to be here
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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