Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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