Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
