Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
