I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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