thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
