Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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