Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
