sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
