this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
