let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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