i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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