oh god the rape fog is back!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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