Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
