Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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