It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize