I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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