I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its liver damage thursday
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
