Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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