the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
