now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
