Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
