barbara walters just said penis...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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