Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize