Barsexuality is the new black.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
