The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
