I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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