I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
