Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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