help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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