never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
