He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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