So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
