I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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