She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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Do I have a choice?
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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