i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
