I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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