my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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