New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just forgot I was standing up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
