do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
