he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
