I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
