even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
