I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You pole danced in your parka.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
