At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
