question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
