you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
