there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
