i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
