Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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