I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
