Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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