Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
