Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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