just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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