I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
