I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
