the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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