Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize