it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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