can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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