She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
