My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
