well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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