and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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