so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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