If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
