i think my mom watched the whole time
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So here I am, sexting at work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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