So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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