all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
