That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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