Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
