Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
